It’s not what you think
After chilling on the island of the sun god for a few days, all the sandwich fixings have finished and they start eyeing the god’s oxen, who loves them like his children. Ulysses keeps insisting, “have a rice cake or something, we’ll really get into trouble”, but the guys slaughter and barbeque a couple of oxen while Ulysses is sound asleep. When he gets wind of this, he orders everyone to gather their things to leave immediately, but Zeus is pissed off and sends a storm by special delivery, striking the ship with lightning and demolishing it. Only Ulysses survives the attacked by grasping a piece of wood and the waves direct him to Calypso. Being an alpha male, he can’t resist a babe, and eventually an intervention is staged seven years later by Athena, who speaks to Zeus, who speaks to Calypso and tells her to let Ulysses go. So, she gives him a raft and he floats away.
For 17 days he has been travelling before Ithaca appears, but fortune just won’t smile on Ulysses because Poseidon happens to be passing by. Upon recognizing him, the god creates the mother of all storms.
After fighting the waves for a few days, Ulysses finds himself on Corfu, where he is taken care of, and from there he catches the 8:20 ferry boat to Ithaca.
When he gets to the island, Athena is waiting for him. She turns him into a beggar and informs him of the suitors who are wining and dining at his palace. Just then, his son Telemachus comes onto the scene and the two concoct a plan to rid themselves of the wannabe husbands.
Cunning as she is, Athena inserts herself into Penelope’s mind, making her organize a challenge for the suitors with bows, arrows and axes. The one who triumphs wins Penelope as his bride and a nice potato field for good measure. Still posing as a beggar, Ulysses asks to take part in the challenge and the suitors start mocking him, as bullying hasn’t been invented yet.
But the useless suitors can’t even stretch the string of the bow, which belongs to Ulysses. When they see him pass the arrow among 12 axes, they realize who he is and run to save their lives.
However, Telemachus has locked the doors and thus he and his father kill all the suitors. Even though Penelope feels rejected and angry, she returns to her one-and-only, and when she embraces him, she bursts into tears of joy.
The next day, the relatives rush the palace, demanding justice for their loved ones and like a deus ex machine, Athena appears and requests that they be friends and not to argue.
Everyone puts down their weapons and drinks to honor Ulysses, who will reign in his beloved Ithaca for many years to come.